As I pour out my depths into words I feel beautiful, intimate and courageous. As if life itself dances through me, asking for its story to be told. Thoughts and experiences arrive in waves, bringing gifts from the limitless ocean of existence. When we read the words thus written, the proverbial waters of another create ripples in our own, and so we travel, together, back to the ocean.
To love or to ‘but’?
‘You’re in love with the guy. You find time to be together each day. He makes you happy and giddy and all your dreams come true,’ my mentor starts off nonchalantly. ‘Now, tell me about your buts.’‘My…
Well-made plans
My life had been laid out in neat stacks of controlled chaos. The wonderland I was going to live at. The group of lovely weirdoes I was going to spend time with. That book I was going…
Little shop of Fears
You wander down a street in a foreign town, aimlessly. It’s a bright, hot morning and the street feels lazy, barely awake to face the day of chores and business, romance and tourists. You hear the creak…
Identify yourself
‘I’m losing myself,’ I said to the tiny microphone. ‘If there’s no-one around to acknowledge me, does it even matter who I am anymore? Who would even care?’ It was my fourth day without direct human interaction.…
Temporary
As I dozed off on the dusty couch for an afternoon nap, I pondered on the nature of privilege and privacy. The fact that I could arrive in this room to sleep in the middle of the…
Silent affairs
Welcomed my birthday in silence this year. If one could call two dogs pouncing after sleeping ducks – with all the thumps and squeaks and the slap of wings and the paddle of webbed feet – a…
Life is time
‘It’s not fair,’ a friend cried into my earbuds. ‘Life’s not fair! Why is life doing this to me?!’ I listened to her breaking voice, my eyes caressing the outlines of the trees in the dusk. She…
Blame the guilty (or stop?)
‘Now you’ve done it!’ She yelled at him triumphantly over the rooftop of the car, or what was left of it. ‘Do you see it now? You can’t go on like this! You have to get some…
Who’s your boss?
‘Why do you rely on that teaching, that method?’ a friend asked me kindly. ’What does it give to you that you don’t already have?’ For a brief second, my brain froze up, struggling to wrap itself…
Inside human sandbox (with a dog)
The attacks on Ukraine with increasing human casualties have caused me to finally face something I had been reluctant to touch before. The idiotic and grotesque face of humanity that each of us wears to an extent,…
My prison break
‘Everything around me solidified,’ I recited my last night’s meditation experience to my mentor. ’It was as if in the entire creation held only me and my bedroom. Nothing else had form, nothing else seemed to exist…
Sleep with love
Yesterday a lady, an esoteric practitioner told me a story about a client who hadn’t been able to sleep for several nights after one session with her. As if some part of the person had become awake…
Bad human day
Some days I feel I’m a gift to mankind. Other days I’m not sure if I even exist. Sometimes I’m so loving it’s borderline awkward. Other times you could cry me a river and I couldn’t care…
Inside job
‘Caress yourself, slowly. Feel into every piece of you that you love. Perhaps the softness of your hair or the skin on your cheek. Or the feeling of pressure underneath your feet or how gently your tongue…
Experiment of freedom
There was a dream and then there wasn’t. As soon as I woke up, I forgot all of it. Still, I grabbed my notebook and wrote down three sentences: The concept of free will is a factor…
Death and peace
This year is ending and another one, perhaps an ominous one, is arriving shortly. Last week, I’ve heard so many predictions of doom for the world at large that it’s made my head spin a little. I…
Purpose of pleasure
The bench was made of wood and by the greyish cracked texture, had been there for a time. It was placed on top of a small hill, overlooking the sea its waters shadowy from a cloudy day.…
The Ego and the Spirit
Who am I? The eons-old human question – who are we? Naturally, we are the ones that know our name, title, geography, sex, our list of positions and achievements. But aren’t these just a tiny parts of…
We all belong
Right before bedtime, I sat down to meditate. The bed was right there, promising a nice long sleep full of pleasant dreams, but I felt restless. As if it wasn’t time yet. As if I had to…
Did I win?
We set out for the race, all three of us on horseback. The finish line was twenty long units away and we were all prepared to grab that trophy. I looked down at the gleaming tack of…
Weight of ideas
I have one of those over-analyser brains, so I tend to dream a lot. This time I don’t mean the night-time adventures, even if they are getting increasingly more bizarre. Imagine: last night I got dizzy spinning…
One handed
Last night I only had one hand. It was my right hand, which I kept covered with a red satin glove, glittering all over with tiny sparkling Swarovskis. It was my only hand and I had made…
To feel safe
Stay safe. One of the most cruel wishes ever invented for the human soul.Stay safe. Don’t go there, don’t do that, don’t say that, don’t wear that, don’t touch that, don’t have sex, don’t eat that. Don’t…
Embracing death
‘We are gathered here today to mark the passing of Helen. She was born in May, year this-and-that to a young couple barely knowing what they were in for. Helen was a strong and a wilful child…
It’s a string
I’m enjoying myself immensely in this dream. With a merry-band-of-misfits we laugh and joke and adventure until nature calls, and I need to excuse myself from the sweet band of companions I can no longer recall.I walk…
Limits of Love
Ever since I wrote about Love, I’ve considered the subject to be unyielding, limitless and infinite. I’ve felt it in the pebbles on the shore, in the relentless rush of a summer highway, in the songful forest…
Orgasmic nature
Entering a small patch of forest, I asked the island spirit to walk with me today. We were old friends for I had felt its greeting each time I stepped on the shore. It was a sunny,…
One task
Last night I dreamed. I was in a large workshop space, light wooden floors, colourful textiles with inspiring quotes on the walls. A circle of people, including myself, sitting on sturdy pillows. A teacher standing in the…
The opposite of fear
The night after posting my sex-piece, I woke up panic-stricken. My body was shaking in intense terror that completely overtook my inner child. The feeling was a mixture of anxiousness with a dash of helplessness and a…
Imagine sex
Parts of me are shaking as I start this piece. Feels like the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever written, while also being seriously crooked, bumpy and weird. Much like the process of sexual awakening itself. First, a…
Death-bringer
Looking at the women in our dance circle, I took a slightly trembling bow to signal my willingness to embody a Goddess for them. A little nervous, I set my intention to simply hold witness to the…
What is love?
On a chilly November morning in 2012, I was sitting silently on the floor of a cozy attic. The rain rattled on the windows, offering a steady melodic backdrop to our self-awareness training. Mindfulness is all the…
It is our light
The new moon just passed, reminding me of the practise I adopted a few months ago. One thought, one action, one moon. Little by little, this practice has changed my life with each cycle. It’s quite simple.…
Forgiven
She stepped up to the podium. The woman who had agreed to dance my dance. To mirror my truth and help me see myself more clearly. She took a breath, a bow. Her hands moved… then her head.…
The void in us
Have you met the place inside you that stays empty, no matter what you try?The place that’s always uncomfortable and home to a selection of various fears? I call it the void inside me. The crater that…
Origins of anger (two)
Before you continue, read this part first. Standing in a simple whitewashed chapel, I have the body of a teenage girl. Fourteen, perhaps fifteen. I feel (or she feels) cornered, contained, humiliated. Tears are streaming down our…
Origins of anger (one)
Deep in a guided, subconscious healing journey, I rage and weep in front of my therapist. ‘I am so angry, so angry at them all! This world is doomed and I can’t do anything. I just want…
Believing God
God had an odd place in my upbringing. Something each of us thought about, but rarely mentioned. I grew up on Christian fairy tales about the Man who lived in Heaven, who created the World and all…
Making peace
All children want to live in a peaceful world. I know I did. Throughout my life I’ve been grateful for that. I’ve even felt guilty for the privilege. Not every child in this world is as lucky…
Well of Peace 