‘You're in love with the guy. You find time to be together each day. He makes you happy and giddy and all your dreams come true,’ my mentor starts off nonchalantly. ‘Now, tell me about your buts.’‘My buts?’‘When it comes to this relationship, where do you stop loving? Where do you say that you like… Continue reading To love or to ‘but’?
Category: Freedom
Well-made plans
My life had been laid out in neat stacks of controlled chaos. The wonderland I was going to live at. The group of lovely weirdoes I was going to spend time with. That book I was going to complete with a realistic deadline. I kept a floral-print spiral notebook filled with lists of chores and… Continue reading Well-made plans
Identify yourself
‘I'm losing myself,’ I said to the tiny microphone. ‘If there’s no-one around to acknowledge me, does it even matter who I am anymore? Who would even care?’ It was my fourth day without direct human interaction. Four days and I was already off my knuckles. Wondering if I even existed if no-one told me… Continue reading Identify yourself
Temporary
As I dozed off on the dusty couch for an afternoon nap, I pondered on the nature of privilege and privacy. The fact that I could arrive in this room to sleep in the middle of the day. That I have friends with extra couches and blinds on their windows to shut out the sun.… Continue reading Temporary
Silent affairs
Welcomed my birthday in silence this year. If one could call two dogs pouncing after sleeping ducks – with all the thumps and squeaks and the slap of wings and the paddle of webbed feet – a silent affair. As if anything in nature is ever silent. I had to invent silence. That morning I… Continue reading Silent affairs
Life is time
‘It’s not fair,’ a friend cried into my earbuds. ‘Life’s not fair! Why is life doing this to me?!’ I listened to her breaking voice, my eyes caressing the outlines of the trees in the dusk. She was an adult, a mother of two. But her words were that of a helpless baby screaming bloody… Continue reading Life is time
Blame the guilty (or stop?)
‘Now you’ve done it!’ She yelled at him triumphantly over the rooftop of the car, or what was left of it. ‘Do you see it now? You can’t go on like this! You have to get some help!’ Her accusations battered at his already-shocked state. His neck bulged in frustration as blood rushed to his… Continue reading Blame the guilty (or stop?)
Who’s your boss?
‘Why do you rely on that teaching, that method?’ a friend asked me kindly. ’What does it give to you that you don’t already have?’ For a brief second, my brain froze up, struggling to wrap itself around the question, but I relented shortly. She was right to ask it. Indeed, I had recently named… Continue reading Who’s your boss?
Inside human sandbox (with a dog)
The attacks on Ukraine with increasing human casualties have caused me to finally face something I had been reluctant to touch before. The idiotic and grotesque face of humanity that each of us wears to an extent, but seldom wants to admit. For a while I thought I was feeling disappointed, even angry at the… Continue reading Inside human sandbox (with a dog)
My prison break
‘Everything around me solidified,’ I recited my last night’s meditation experience to my mentor. ’It was as if in the entire creation held only me and my bedroom. Nothing else had form, nothing else seemed to exist anywhere.’ She’s a small woman, my spiritual mentor. Very humble, very human and has her own quirks, but… Continue reading My prison break
Well of Peace 