‘You're in love with the guy. You find time to be together each day. He makes you happy and giddy and all your dreams come true,’ my mentor starts off nonchalantly. ‘Now, tell me about your buts.’‘My buts?’‘When it comes to this relationship, where do you stop loving? Where do you say that you like… Continue reading To love or to ‘but’?
My life had been laid out in neat stacks of controlled chaos. The wonderland I was going to live at. The group of lovely weirdoes I was going to spend time with. That book I was going to complete with a realistic deadline. I kept a floral-print spiral notebook filled with lists of chores and… Continue reading Well-made plans
‘It’s not fair,’ a friend cried into my earbuds. ‘Life’s not fair! Why is life doing this to me?!’ I listened to her breaking voice, my eyes caressing the outlines of the trees in the dusk. She was an adult, a mother of two. But her words were that of a helpless baby screaming bloody… Continue reading Life is time
‘Why do you rely on that teaching, that method?’ a friend asked me kindly. ’What does it give to you that you don’t already have?’ For a brief second, my brain froze up, struggling to wrap itself around the question, but I relented shortly. She was right to ask it. Indeed, I had recently named… Continue reading Who’s your boss?
The attacks on Ukraine with increasing human casualties have caused me to finally face something I had been reluctant to touch before. The idiotic and grotesque face of humanity that each of us wears to an extent, but seldom wants to admit. For a while I thought I was feeling disappointed, even angry at the… Continue reading Inside human sandbox (with a dog)
Some days I feel I'm a gift to mankind. Other days I'm not sure if I even exist. Sometimes I'm so loving it's borderline awkward. Other times you could cry me a river and I couldn't care less if I tried. Today I'm just a joke. I'm learning Spanish and getting pretty good at it.… Continue reading Bad human day
This year is ending and another one, perhaps an ominous one, is arriving shortly. Last week, I've heard so many predictions of doom for the world at large that it's made my head spin a little. I agree with some of it. As always, there will be changes. Both for better and for worse. Personally… Continue reading Death and peace
Right before bedtime, I sat down to meditate. The bed was right there, promising a nice long sleep full of pleasant dreams, but I felt restless. As if it wasn't time yet. As if I had to finish something before I slept that night. Nothing came to mind, so I sat down and took a… Continue reading We all belong
We set out for the race, all three of us on horseback. The finish line was twenty long units away and we were all prepared to grab that trophy. I looked down at the gleaming tack of my chestnut mare, full of power to carry me all the way. We can win this, I thought.We… Continue reading Did I win?
Last night I only had one hand. It was my right hand, which I kept covered with a red satin glove, glittering all over with tiny sparkling Swarovskis. It was my only hand and I had made it my artefact, my most treasured body part. Living with one hand was uncomfortable. It made me cranky… Continue reading One handed