‘You're in love with the guy. You find time to be together each day. He makes you happy and giddy and all your dreams come true,’ my mentor starts off nonchalantly. ‘Now, tell me about your buts.’‘My buts?’‘When it comes to this relationship, where do you stop loving? Where do you say that you like… Continue reading To love or to ‘but’?
My life had been laid out in neat stacks of controlled chaos. The wonderland I was going to live at. The group of lovely weirdoes I was going to spend time with. That book I was going to complete with a realistic deadline. I kept a floral-print spiral notebook filled with lists of chores and… Continue reading Well-made plans
Welcomed my birthday in silence this year. If one could call two dogs pouncing after sleeping ducks – with all the thumps and squeaks and the slap of wings and the paddle of webbed feet – a silent affair. As if anything in nature is ever silent. I had to invent silence. That morning I… Continue reading Silent affairs
‘Why do you rely on that teaching, that method?’ a friend asked me kindly. ’What does it give to you that you don’t already have?’ For a brief second, my brain froze up, struggling to wrap itself around the question, but I relented shortly. She was right to ask it. Indeed, I had recently named… Continue reading Who’s your boss?
The attacks on Ukraine with increasing human casualties have caused me to finally face something I had been reluctant to touch before. The idiotic and grotesque face of humanity that each of us wears to an extent, but seldom wants to admit. For a while I thought I was feeling disappointed, even angry at the… Continue reading Inside human sandbox (with a dog)
Yesterday a lady, an esoteric practitioner told me a story about a client who hadn’t been able to sleep for several nights after one session with her. As if some part of the person had become awake and didn't want to fall asleep again. It felt like a horror story to me.How can one function… Continue reading Sleep with love
‘Caress yourself, slowly. Feel into every piece of you that you love. Perhaps the softness of your hair or the skin on your cheek. Or the feeling of pressure underneath your feet or how gently your tongue rests at the roof of your mouth. Feel into everything you love about yourself and bring it alive…’… Continue reading Inside job
There was a dream and then there wasn’t. As soon as I woke up, I forgot all of it. Still, I grabbed my notebook and wrote down three sentences: The concept of free will is a factor of the ego. Any act of freedom leads to pain. Love will set us free. The what? I… Continue reading Experiment of freedom
Who am I? The eons-old human question – who are we? Naturally, we are the ones that know our name, title, geography, sex, our list of positions and achievements. But aren't these just a tiny parts of us? A label, a medal, a happenstance.Who is aware of all that we are? I can be aware… Continue reading The Ego and the Spirit
Right before bedtime, I sat down to meditate. The bed was right there, promising a nice long sleep full of pleasant dreams, but I felt restless. As if it wasn't time yet. As if I had to finish something before I slept that night. Nothing came to mind, so I sat down and took a… Continue reading We all belong